My Greatest Idea Ever

Weddings have ceased to serve their purpose.  They are no longer about the vows and a community coming together to witness them and hold them accountable to their vows.  Instead, they have become a cultural event.  They are something that is expected.  An entire industry exists around it because the wedding event is no more than a commodity.  How does one make the event authentic, sincere and meaningful to both the to-be-wed and the witnesses?  To be sure, there may be many options.  The following is mine.

There are two primary problems with the wedding as I see it.  The first is that the witnesses are not there to witness, they are there to spectate.  The second problem is that the symbols of traditional weddings have become commodified and have lost their meaning to the consumerism of the to-be-wed.  What elements do they want to honor?  What colors do they want things to be?  How should the food taste?  What will the building and dress look like?  These are the elements we are, as the to-be-wed and as the spectators, unconsciously submitting ourselves to.  We perpetuate the degradation of the meaning of the event by turning every element of the wedding into a question of consumption.

For the audience, they come because they were invited and feel some kind of social obligation to attend.  It may not be a negative social obligation, but a positive one where one comes to be a body in a seat "supporting" the couple is still a social obligation even if self-imposed.  While the audience sits in their seats they take in the music, colors, decorations, outfits, program and pass judgment on every choice that was made by whoever planned the event.  This critical attitude undercuts every ability to be authentic witnesses.  Even in more participatory moments like singing or a responsive reading, the critical attitude of the audience does not go away and the words they find themselves speaking more often than not are not meant or ring hollow.  Participation in chants and The Wave at a sporting event no more makes the fans witnesses to their favorite team than responsive readings do at a wedding.  While all of the elements chosen for the wedding can be done with the best intentions, considerable thought and be very meaningful to the couple, the expectations for the audience are no more than go, sit, eat, give a present.  Consumerist mindsets have destroyed the weddings potential to call communities to costly discipleship and real unity.

I propose a solution to this in what follows.  First order of business is to cancel the large ceremony.  The couple, instead, ought to do something more intimate.  They write vows for each other to be taken in turns saying to each other.  The initial wedding ceremony should include the couple, the officiator and the few people closest spiritually to the couple that is expected to do the most in the future in keeping in touch and keeping them accountable to their vows.  The initial ceremony, in my mind, would on average not run above 10 people in attendance though of course some people are very extroverted and have close communities that number higher.  Families should not be traveling for this, unless the family is among those who the couple is spiritually closest to.  Fuss over wedding gowns, tuxes or attire for bridesmaids and groomsmen should not be made.  Generally, the couple and those in attendance should wear something close to their day to day garb so as to replicate the authenticity of the everyday that will be the foundation of a good marriage rather than the costumes and pageantry of a one time event.  However, because it is also a celebration some dressing up is not wholly unreasonable if the couple wishes, but one-time use dresses or suits should be avoided.  Decoration should be minimal to nonexistent because its about the authenticity of the day to day rather than the vainglory of a moment.  Once again, I don't want to wholly discount the notion of celebration as healthy and worthwhile thing to do throughout one's life so some decoration could be permitted.  What I am trying to caution against is the waste of the large, tediously planned performances these events have become and the vices they instill and reinforce in people as a result.  The ceremony should above all express the authenticity of worship the couple and their witnesses expect to commit themselves to in their daily lives together.

By this point, the couple would be officially married and may partake in those benefits that go with marriage.  However, this is just the beginning.  For the next few months to years (depending on their schedules and how they choose to work things) the couple should be traveling to where their communities are that would have been invited to the large traditional wedding to meet individually with friends and family where they are to fellowship and to repeat their vows in front of them.  In this way the friends and family that would have spectated at the traditional wedding are confronted with the role of witnessing.  There is an intimacy being shared in the setting of repeating the vows in the homes of friends and family.  There is also an openness afforded where they can ask questions about convictions, receive advice and worship together.  This traveling time can also function as a kind of honeymoon if there is lots of traveling involved.

The final thing to address is the importance of the uniting of communities in the marriage of two people.  After the travels are done plans would have been made ahead of time for a wedding reception.  Where all of the friends and family of both sides may come together and get to know each other and enjoy each other's company.  The reception would hopefully be more effective at bringing the communities together since all had experienced a real witnessing of the commitment of two people coming together.